Photographers cower behind advertising hoardings, substitutes hang on to the dug out for grim life, and riot police hunker down for some serious Ronaldo force-10 gusts, in this new nike commercial for the mercurial vapour.

Portugal! harness the gusty power of Ronaldo and solve your power needs forever. That’d get the wind back into the portuguese economy and return it to rude health.

I would imagine the Messi counter commercial would be more of a stroll in a gentle breeze on a summers day – the birdy’s contentedly chirruping as they perch on slowly swaying branches watching on approvingly, as he twinkles by. 

Step aside wee man and eat my ticker-tape sucker as, defenders cling to the earth and managers glasses are blown off  as bilious goals are wafted in imperiously. Ronaldo style.